superdaintykate: (Default)
superdaintykate ([personal profile] superdaintykate) wrote2012-06-14 10:11 pm

(no subject)

He's gone.

His decline was steady. He moved back to the nursing facility, and then he refused all treatment, including lung suction. A few days ago (Monday?) they started morphine for him. I called Mom to tell her and had to explain to her what that meant. She broke down, then, and asked if she should send him cards or letters, and I told her I didn't think she had time to send them, that she should call if she wanted to tell him she loved him. I spoke to his fiduciary Monday? Tuesday? and he said that Brother's lungs were obviously filling with fluid. I called the nursing home every day to leave a message for him; yesterday, the nurse I spoke to was pretty short with me. I imagine it was hard for her to see him like this. She said he was conscious; he had stopped talking as of a few days ago, because he just couldn't, anymore.

Tuesday night I couldn't stop hearing the Archies song "Sugar Sugar" in my head; Rob had it on a cereal-box record and when my Dad had called him to tell him I had been born, he went and played it.

I didn't sleep much Tuesday night, waiting for the Call.

Last night I got hammered on hard cider and slept a little despite myself. I woke up and got ready for work and put on my hamza necklace and evil-eye bracelet. I don't know why.

My friend emailed me this morning to tell me she'd had a dream about him last night. That he loved me so much, in the dream, and he was happy and relaxed and comfortable.

I called the facility today around three o'clock, for an update and to leave a message, and no one answered the phone at the nurse's station. Mom called around four or four-thirty, to leave a message for him, finally, and she said the nurse she spoke to sounded sad.

I got the call just after five, and he had died maybe fifteen minutes previously.

I oscillate. Sometimes I am desparately sad, sometimes I am relieved, to know he's not suffering anymore, and sometimes I am numb and in shock, a little. And sometimes I am okay.

Going to wait until tomorrow to email my nephews, to make sure they have all gotten the news from their brother.

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 05:53 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry Kate. *hugs*

You and your family are in my thoughts.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you, dear.
ext_6418: (Default)

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 06:56 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry.

I'm glad he's not suffering any more.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you. I am, too.

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 11:53 am (UTC)(link)
I am sorry for your loss. {hugs}

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:46 am (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 01:27 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry, Kate. This is heartbreaking, but there is that little bit of good that his terrible suffering is over.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
Yes. And when I visited him, he kept mentioning how proud he was of his boys, what a good job he and his wife did with them. And they really did.

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 01:37 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry, Kate.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks, Anne.

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 02:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you.

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry. Even knowing it was coming, even knowing he was ready, it's never easy. Our condolences go to you.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much - much love to you both.

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 04:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I am so sorry. He sounded like such a good man. May his way be peaceful.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
He was, a very, very good man. Funny, and smart.

Thank you so much.

[identity profile] 2012-06-15 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I am so sorry for your loss.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you.

[identity profile] 2012-06-16 06:39 am (UTC)(link)
I love you lady. I know how hard it is to keep hearing sorry over and over again, but that's really all I know to say. Seeing his slow steady decline was hard, losing him even harder, but knowing he is no longer suffering is whats good to remember. I'm here for you lady, only a few hours away, if you need anything or need to get hammered together.

[identity profile] 2012-07-01 01:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Kat, honey, I'm so sorry. I had no idea- I haven't been checking LJ at all. I love you. Will call when I can. Hugs.

[identity profile] 2012-07-02 03:40 am (UTC)(link)
Awww honey, I just read this (first time on LJ in a month).

I'm so sorry for your loss; I know how much you loved him and how hard this must be (ok... I probably don't know exactly how hard it is... I have not lost a sibling...but I can imagine and sympathize).

I wish there was something else I could do or say that would help. Just know that I love you and I'm thinking about you.

[identity profile] 2012-07-02 05:08 pm (UTC)(link)
I am sorry for your loss, I am glad he is freed from the steady decline of suffering he was undergoing.